A Letter to Military Families on Veterans Day
My family bustled noisily around the kitchen—clattering dishware, gathering presents, and hanging up decor. My phone vibrated in my hand. Looking down, I saw my dad’s photo and felt that same sinking pit in my stomach that I had pushed further and further down all day long. I snuck out of the loud room with my phone in hand and took a deep breath so he couldn’t hear the shakiness in my voice. Plastering on the most convincing smile I could muster, I answered the video call. My dad sat in front of the familiar beige wall of the army base—a virtual vision we had become accustomed to in the first few weeks of his deployment.
“Happy graduation day,” he said through the phone. “I’m so proud of you.”
The tears that I had fought so valiantly against all day long broke through. In between gasps of breath, the words came out like a whisper, “I just wish you were here.”
Hope Beyond the Goodbye
As a military child, there is perhaps no other place in this world that has seen as many of my tears as an airport lobby. From some of my earliest memories, I can still vividly picture the various airport lobbies we huddled around, hugging and saying goodbye. I can see the camo uniform waving to us on the other side of the gate. I can feel my mom’s hand, turning us around to go back to the car.
Military families know goodbyes more intimately and frequently than most, but this experience is not completely foreign to all. In fact, the Bible is full of stories of heartbreaking goodbyes. Abraham said goodbye to his home country and people to walk in obedience to the Lord’s calling (Genesis 12:4). Daniel was forced to say goodbye to his family when he was taken as a captive in Babylon (Daniel 1:3–4,6). Jesus’s disciples and family said goodbye twice: when their Christ died on a cross (Matthew 27:55–56) and when He ascended into heaven (Acts 1:9).
Goodbyes are unnatural; the grief cuts deeply in our hearts, and there is a sense of wrongness in the separation. We were simply not created for goodbyes, and our hearts—whether conscious of it or not—long for a day when we will be restored to a world without any more goodbyes. For those who are in Christ, we are not exempt from grief in this life, but we experience it with the hope that it will not be like this forever. There will be a day when all tears will be wiped from our face, when we will be united forever with the Creator of our souls, and when we will never have to say goodbye ever again (Revelation 21:4).
Hold Fast to Your Calling
You might be a military spouse, trying to stay strong for your children while internally battling the loneliness and anxiety. You might be a military parent, who faces the everyday dilemma of sacrificing the care and protection of your child to the Lord. You might be a military child, who feels like a constant outsider to all of your peers. You might be a gold star family, waking up every morning with fresh grief, knowing that your goodbye will never end until heaven.
Just as your loved one was called to serve his or her country, you were also entrusted with a unique calling by God. Some days, you may resent that calling, but it is not by your strength alone that you are able to walk this path. Psalm 37 gives us a vision of a man walking along a path with enemies and adversities surrounding him on all sides. Yet, the psalmist says, “Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, because the Lord supports him with his hand” (Psalm 37:24).
As military families, we are tempted to think our own strength and tenacity will carry us through, but we were created for something much better. Our God holds our hand with both the perfect strength and tender gentleness of a good Father. You simply were not created to bear the burden on your own.
Dear military spouse, parent, child, or loved one: cling to God in this unique calling you’ve been given. Even in the heartbreak of another holiday without your loved one, in another lonely car ride from the airport, in another transition to a new home, let the Lord hold your hand. Grieve to Him. Allow Him to fill you with His perfect peace and eternal hope, and one day, you will live in a world where goodbyes will be no more.
