How to Move Forward When Things Don’t Go As Planned
In the fall of 2020, my husband and I were all set to move from our home in Texas to St. Andrews, Scotland, where we were planning to spend the next four years in school. We were so excited and banking on the promises from the university that assured us that COVID-19 was not going to affect our time there. But six months later, the university was shutting down again, and we were faced with the difficult decision to end our time in Scotland early and come back to Texas. Disappointment didn’t even begin to describe my initial feelings. Not only was this going to change the course of my next three years, but it affected the whole trajectory of my career. As I sat scrolling job postings while at my in-laws’ house, I felt lost and stuck. Where was I going to go from here?
Most of us have experiences similar to this—where things do not go as planned—and our disappointment in these situations can be paralyzing. How do we move forward when this happens? Below, I’ve shared three ways to propel yourself forward when disappointment occurs—doing these things helped me in my situation, and I am hopeful that they will help you, too.
1. Create space for lament.
When disappointment occurs, people typically have one of two responses. The first is to wallow in their disappointment and allow it to fester and spiral into despair. The second is to try to suppress their disappointment and move on like nothing happened without acknowledging their true feelings.
The concept of lament comes from Scripture. It is perhaps most commonly seen in the Psalms when David experiences negative emotions like disappointment, hurt, or fear. He responds to these things, not by wallowing in despair or suppressing his feelings but by taking his negative emotions to God in prayer and song. God desires for us to approach Him with vulnerability and honesty, even when we feel negatively about a given situation.
For more on this subject, check out our study, Between Grief and Glory | A Study on Lamentations.
When our plans do not work out and we feel stuck and disappointed, we ought to take those feelings to God in prayer. This is a much better alternative to wallowing in despair or suppressing our true feelings.
2. Remember God’s sovereignty.
All across Scripture, we see God’s sovereignty—His control and reign over all that happens in the world throughout history. God is the Creator and Ruler of all things, and nothing that happens is outside of His plan. So when our plans don’t work out, we can remember that God’s plans are never thwarted (Job 42:2). He is bigger than us and will work everything out for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28).
To learn more about God’s sovereignty and His other attributes, check out our study, The Attributes of God.
3. Look for opportunities for gratitude.
After you have created space for lament and remembered God’s good and sovereign character, it’s a good idea to take a step back from your circumstances and try your best to find areas in your life for which you can be thankful. Gratitude is often the best medicine for healing disappointment. Once I was ready to embrace the change in my plans, I could finally see the good in the situation. Being home and close to family was just one of the many blessings that came out of my original disappointment.
It is never easy to reckon with things that do not go as planned, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, it is possible to move past the initial disappointment. One of the best cures for this is time—once you are on the other side of the disappointment, you will likely be able to see God’s hand in it and how His plan was actually better for you in the end. I may not have gotten to live in Scotland for four years, but because we returned home and began new careers, we were able to start a family earlier than we had ever planned—and now, we would not trade our beautiful daughter for anything. God really did have a better plan for me, and He does for you as well!
