Between my middle school and college years, the coffee shop near my house changed ownership four or five times. For some reason, each owner struggled to keep the shop in business, even though there wasn’t any competition nearby. One owner even tried selling both coffee and gelato—but to no avail.

I didn’t mind, though, because I never went to that coffee shop for the coffee. Not a single coffee sticks in my memory from the six or so years I spent there. But the conversations I had with friends in that shop are among my fondest memories from that time. Back then, I met regularly with accountability partners from church. A couple of them were peers, but several were older women who would check in on me and walk with me through that season.

Those coffee shop meetings taught me the value of accountability. None of us walk the path of faith alone. We have been given the body of believers to encourage one another and build each other up. We need to be able to connect deeply, let down our guard, and honestly confess our sins. Accountability makes room for that, and it helps us run our race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1).

What Is Christian Accountability?

Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17).

The goal of Christian accountability is to encourage living in such a way that honors God and reflects Jesus Christ by the power of the Spirit. Accountability does this in a couple of ways. First, it gives space for confession of sin so that a fellow believer can remind us of the grace offered to us in Christ. It is not a ritual of self-shaming in which you rehearse all that is wrong with you; rather, it exposes the wounds our sins have inflicted on ourselves or others and gives fellow believers the opportunity to apply the healing balm of the gospel.

Second, accountability gives space to acknowledge the joys and wins of life with Christ. In this way, accountability makes room not only for confession but also for celebration. Accountability is not intended to be a checklist or a mere rehearsal of sins but a loving investment in one another’s spiritual and personal wins and struggles.

How to Use These Questions, Even If You Don’t Have a Partner Yet

If you do not currently meet with another believer for regular accountability, think of someone in your life who is spiritually mature and whom you trust to pray for you and with you. Approach that person and ask whether they would be willing to practice accountability with you. Bring these questions to your first meeting together. If some of these questions prove helpful, consider making them part of your regular accountability meetings.

If you already meet regularly with another believer for accountability, work these questions into your next meeting. Try all six, and add the ones that work best to your regular routine.

If you are unable to meet regularly with an accountability partner, you can use these questions with a friend. Simply ask them in person or over the phone whenever you can, and answer honestly. I’ve used them from time to time with friends who live far away. Though we do not have a regularly scheduled rhythm of accountability, our friendship benefits greatly from this occasional spiritual check-in.

Six Questions to Ask Your Accountability Partner

1. How have you been the Church since we last met?

Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God (1 Peter 4:10).

The Church is not merely an institution or a building but the people who make up what Scripture refers to as the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12). As the Church, we each have gifts from God’s Spirit to offer one another and the world, and we are to encourage one another to use our gifts for the glory of God. When we ask each other, “How have you been the Church?” we reflect on the ways that we have been Christ’s hands and feet in the world. You might consider asking yourself how you have served others since you last met. Did you share the gospel with someone? Are you actively discipling someone? Did you forgive someone when it was really hard to do so? However God has equipped you to serve Him and His people, share about it.

2. How have you not been the Church since we last met?

So it is sin to know the good and yet not do it (James 4:17).

This question addresses the reality that we sin by not obeying God’s command to be the Church. As we answer this question, we consider where we have misrepresented Christ to others. Scripture commands us to be Christ’s ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20), so when we purposefully miss an opportunity to represent God well, we have sinned. Consider whether you knowingly missed any opportunities to share the gospel or ignored the Spirit’s prompting to pray for someone. Think about whether you gossiped about someone or spoke in anger. Consider your interactions with both believers and nonbelievers.

3. What has been your favorite sin since we last met?

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way (Psalm 139:23–24).

This question gets to the heart of sin. While question 2 deals specifically with representing Christ in the world, question 3 looks more personally at the sins we’ve committed. We ask what our “favorite” sin has been, not because we set out to enjoy sin but because patterns of sin are perpetuated by disordered affections. For example, perhaps I’ve been gossiping about a specific person. But the underlying sin I’m holding on to is bitterness, because I haven’t forgiven that person for the way they sinned against me. Or perhaps I’m judging someone, but underneath the judgment is jealousy I’m harboring toward them. Sin thrives in isolation, but when we confess our “pet” sins to one another, they lose power over us.

4. How well have you cared for your body since we last met (sleep, food, movement, etc.)?

Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).

Depending on our season of life, we can sometimes fail to care for the body God has given us. Sometimes we are consistent in caring for some aspects of our physical well-being but let others go. As Paul admonishes the Corinthian church toward holiness in their sexuality, he reminds us of the broader truth that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, given to us by God. We apply this truth as we consider how we are caring for ourselves to remind ourselves that our bodies matter to God. This question should not take a tone of condemnation but of care and kindness toward our bodies: They are the avenue through which we live out our worship of God, and God longs for us to flourish in them. As Paul reminds us, we are not our own, and our bodies belong to God. Ask one another whether your view of your body has been truthful and whether your physical actions reflect God’s care for your body.

5. Since we last met, when have you let the fear of man dictate your choices instead of the fear of God?

The fear of mankind is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected (Proverbs 29:25).

Many of us live as recovering people-pleasers. We may acknowledge that our hearts belong first and foremost to the Lord yet struggle with the temptation to value the voices of others more than God’s voice. Proverbs reminds us that the fear of man ultimately leaves us trapped. We fear the negative outcomes that might follow if we fail to consider what others think or want—and, for a time, things may very well seem easier when we try to please others. But valuing others’ opinions over God’s opinion always leaves us in a worse state than if we trusted the Lord from the beginning: trapped, rather than protected. This question invites us to set aside our fear of others and grow in our trust of God’s sovereignty, goodness, and care for us.

6. What is a specific prayer request you have that feels too bold or vulnerable to ask?

Now to him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us . . . (Ephesians 3:20).

As you wrap up, ask this question as a segue into a time of prayer together. As always, be specific and honest with one another. Remind one another that no request is too small or too big, and that your Father in heaven knows what you need and loves to give good gifts to His children (Matthew 6:8, 7:11).

Tips for Making Accountability a Regular Rhythm

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect (James 5:16).

Accountability should be regular. Meeting regularly helps us to share openly and consistently because our spiritual struggles and successes are still fresh in our minds. It keeps your accountability partners aware of what is actively going on in your life so that they can pray for you and prevents you from needing to give context on ongoing situations or struggles every time you gather. If you set goals together, you can also track your progress more easily.

Try to meet at least once a month—or more often if you can. Start and end your time together in prayer. When you meet, ask one another a few questions like the ones in this post. Once you find the questions that work best, ask them consistently, and be as specific as possible with your answers. Don’t make excuses for your answers; just be honest.

I now have different accountability partners, and I no longer live near that coffee shop that kept changing hands. These days, accountability looks more like a long phone call. But those coffee-shop years were integral to my formation and helped me feel loved by the body of Christ and by Christ Himself.

Remember that the hope of accountability is to encourage one another to be more closely united with Christ. Honesty can be uncomfortable, but the vulnerability is worth it. Holding one another accountable takes great effort, but in doing so we fulfill the law of Christ as we “carry one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). So find your person, ask the hard questions, and trust the Lord to do the rest.

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Author Bio:

Rebekah Grinestaff is a Staff Writer at The Daily Grace Co.® She is devoted to making rich theological material accessible to others. When she is not writing, Rebekah devotes herself to her family, friends, and church. She also appreciates a lengthy gander at the trees in front of her home.

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