How to Love Difficult People
There’s no shortage of difficult people in our lives—that one family member who has an off-putting comment about your outfit; the person in your small group who seems to misunderstand you each time you speak; the friend whose presence feels more draining than life-giving. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and, at times, overwhelming. Often, we are tempted to walk away from the relationship altogether rather than doing the hard work of dealing wisely with that person. However, as followers of Christ, we aren’t just called to love “easy” people. We’re called to love all people. And sometimes, that means figuring out how to extend grace even when it feels impossible.
Understand, there’s a difference between difficult people and abusive people. Difficult people might test your patience but they are not dangerous. They might make you want to roll your eyes but they don’t make you fear for your safety. Loving difficult people doesn’t mean subjecting yourself to mistreatment. However, it does mean reflecting Christ even in relationships that stretch you. So how do we do it?
Pray
When we are frustrated with another person, we might resort to finding a friend who will listen to us vent. Others of us might silently ruminate on the offense. But our first line of defense should always be prayer. While we should be sure to pray for the other person, we should also pray for ourselves—that God would give us a heart that is gracious like His. The strength to love difficult people is not accomplished by sheer willpower, but by the Spirit of God working in us.
On the hill of Calvary, surrounded by those who mocked and crucified Him, Jesus prayed for those who were difficult to love. “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). If our Savior, innocent and blameless, could pray for His persecutors in the face of death, surely we can pray for the ones who get on our nerves.
As you pray that God softens or changes that person’s heart, ask Him to help you see them through His eyes. When you struggle to show grace, meditate on Christ’s forgiveness—freely gifted to you. Though we have all been difficult to love, God has never turned His back to us in disdain.
Ask Others to Pray for You
God never intended for us to navigate relationships—or anything else in this life—alone. One of the greatest gifts God has given us in Christ is Christian community and the command to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).
When you find yourself struggling with a difficult person, ask trusted friends to pray for you. Let them know where you need strength—whether it’s patience, wisdom, or self-control. Invite them to intercede on your behalf, not just so you can tolerate the person but so you can love them as Christ does.
Sometimes, the prayers of others are the very thing that carry us through. They remind us that we’re not alone. They anchor us when our emotions threaten to take over our actions and responses. The heartfelt intercession of a brother or sister in Christ helps us remember that God is with us and able to help us, even in the most frustrating relationships.
Speak Truth and Set Boundaries
Loving a difficult person does not require you to be a doormat. Sometimes, when experiencing a pattern of disrespect from someone again and again, the wisest thing you can do is be honest and set boundaries.
Ephesians 4:15 tells us to “speak the truth in love.” That means we don’t avoid hard conversations out of fear, nor do we lash out in frustration. Instead, we communicate with clarity and kindness. If someone repeatedly disregards our feelings, it is right to express this to them. If a relationship drains us to the point of exhaustion, it’s okay to limit those interactions.
In His earthly ministry, Jesus loved people deeply. However, He also created space between Himself and others when necessary. Jesus set boundaries. He withdrew to pray. He didn’t force Himself into relationships where He wasn’t received (Matthew 10:14). Loving people well includes knowing when to take a step back.
If you find yourself trying to navigate your relationship with someone you find difficult to love, pray for them and for yourself. Seek the support and prayer of others. Speak truth with love and set necessary boundaries. And above all, remember this: the way we love difficult people is a reflection of the love we have received from God. We were once difficult, too—sinful, stubborn, resistant. At times, we still find those difficult traits alive in our hearts and minds. Yet Christ pursued us and forgave us. It’s His steadfast love and endurance with us that fuels our love for others, even when they are difficult.
