Singleness and the Church
It took me a long time to put words to it—the feeling that I was excluded from something. The feeling of knowing that I should be here, but somehow still feeling like an outsider. But sometimes, when I was at church, I felt like I was an extra in everyone else’s story. As a single woman in the church surrounded by couples and their children, I felt like “family” was a group chat that God had left me out of.
The older I got, still single and trying to figure out God’s plans for me, the Lord graciously gave me the most beautiful and picturesque life. It was full of joy, laughter, fellowship, kindness, and the bearing of one another’s burdens. Yet, I was still not married. It was then that I realized that nothing about the family of God is withheld from any of His children. Whether or not I had a husband or children, I was right where I was meant to be—in a loving family.
A Home For Us
So, then, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with the saints, and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the cornerstone. In him the whole building, being put together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. Ephesians 2:19–21.
In his letter to the church in Ephesus, the Apostle Paul reminds us that no matter where we came from or how we arrived to faith in Jesus, we now are members of His household—a holy dwelling place for the Lord Himself. Paul made no caveats here. There are no qualifiers. Though our singleness may make us feel like we don’t belong, this is simply not true. Here in God’s household, “single” is just an adjective—it is not your identity.
Gifted
Not only has God given you a place to belong in His family, He has gifted you with talents and abilities that you can use to participate in the thriving of that family. Later on in Ephesians, Paul says it this way,
And he himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, to build up the body of Christ, until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into maturity with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness. Ephesians 4:11–13
God longs for all believers to serve Him and serve one another by using whatever they have been given to uplift the body. What gifts has God given you? Maybe you have the gift of music and can serve on the worship team. You might have a gift to nurture the kids in the children’s ministry. Perhaps you have been gifted with knowledge and a passion for God’s Word that you can use to teach Sunday School or lead a small group. Don’t keep yourself outside of the family because you feel that your singleness is a hindrance—God certainly is not keeping you out.
I’m still not married—though I hope to be one day. But, praise God, my singleness just doesn’t sting as much as it used to. Knowing that, in Christ, God has given me a place to belong has been revolutionary in the way I see myself and the way I see church. I’ve been blessed to be a spiritual mother to younger believers, a sister in Christ to so many who I love and who love me, and I’ve had the opportunity to serve in all kinds of areas. Just because God has not yet given me a husband, it does not mean that He has not been gracious to me. The life I’ve been given within His family is proof of that.
Today, thank God for His plan for you, even in your singleness. You have not been left out of the group chat. You are not an extra in this story. You belong here. If you never get married. Or even if you do. If you ever have children or none at all, you belong to God’s family. Richly and deeply. You are known, seen, and loved by the God who has welcomed you into His own family.
Additional Resources for Singleness:
