“Hi, my name is Leslie, and I’m a chronic people-pleaser.”

If I were in a support group, this would be the first issue to be addressed in my life. I can be in the middle of a conversation, nodding, seemingly attentive to what the other person is saying. In reality, I’m thinking, What is my face saying that may convey what I’m really thinking? Am I responding correctly, saying the right things so as not to come across rude or inconsiderate? What is this person thinking of me right now? 

A lot of my ruminating thoughts stem from the desire to better my social awareness, but there are times when my mouth gets ahead of my brain, or my face betrays my thoughts and feelings. If you want someone to encourage you, I’m your person. But if you ask for my unfiltered opinion, be prepared for the raw words—potentially spoken out of ignorance.

Whether or not the desire to people-please manifests itself in social anxiety, the truth is that we can all struggle with the desire for others’ approval from time to time. As part of our desire to belong, we try to appeal to others in a like manner in order to be accepted. While wanting to accommodate others is not necessarily an evil thing, if we expect a transaction of others’ approval every time, we will be sorely disappointed.

Being A Servant of Christ, Not Man

In the book of Galatians, Paul admonishes the church of Galatia to return to the gospel of Jesus Christ. There had been proponents of a false gospel—of salvation through circumcision, promoting justification via works (2:16). But Paul confronts this issue head-on, explaining to the church in Galatia that the gospel is not composed of works of the law. Instead, in Galatians 1:9–12 (ESV), Paul says:

As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man’s gospel. For I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ.

Paul speaks against seeking the approval of man, even in religious circles. By setting the opinions of others above the truth of the Lord Jesus Christ, we place others as idols—a station to which they were never intended to be elevated. Our sole object of worship is Christ. If anyone’s words and opinions matter the most, they should be His. It is only in Him that we find our value and our identity as His people.

It is important to briefly note that people-pleasing is certainly different than listening to the wise instruction of fellow believers. Should you ever be admonished by another believer, it is wise to humbly seek Christ in His Word and through prayer to consider the validity of the advice given. But even this is not people-pleasing; rather, it is allowing Christ to have the final word in your convictions. As Paul reiterates in 1 Thessalonians 2:4, “Instead, just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please people, but rather God, who examines our hearts.”

Maintaining a Healthy “People” Perspective

Some commands are easier said than done—so let’s look at a few gentle reminders that help center our perspective as we walk with discernment in seeking the approval of God.

1. Remember who people are.

Contrary to what we may unintentionally assume, people are human. We’re sinners saved by God’s grace (Ephesians 2:8–9). We were never meant to be someone else’s idol; nor were we meant to be our own. In turn, others were not created to be our idols. People disappoint. And it is not fair of us to expect them or their opinions to fill that God-sized void in our lives and identity. Only God Incarnate and the sacrifice He made for us can do that.

2. Remember who God is. 

We as Christians have made the commitment to follow Jesus. As part of this commitment to love and to serve Him, we choose to believe what His Word says. And you can guarantee the Word of God has an abundance to say on His character. He is holy (1 Peter 1:15–16). He is faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). He is sovereign (Psalm 115:3). He is merciful (Lamentations 3:22–23). He is omniscient (Hebrews 4:13). He is loving (Psalm 136:2). He is worthy to sit on the throne of our hearts.

Keeping these things in mind, let us choose to live a life in humble obedience to the Lord, seeking His approval as we love others in a gospel-honoring way.

Notes:

1. Walter A. Elwell, “Letter to the Galatians.” In Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible, 829–33.

Author:

Leslie Williams writes with a passion for helping women grow in their knowledge of Scripture and confidence in their faith. She teaches online as an adjunct professor at Liberty University and holds an MDiv in Pastoral Counseling. She is currently a PhD student in the Theological Studies program at Liberty Theological Seminary. In her free time, Leslie enjoys reading, running, and meaningful conversations over coffee.

Additional Resources for Loving God and Others Well:

Good Christian Girl		Is God Enough for Me? | Contentment Bible Study		What Did You Expect?		Beloved
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