The past few years have been stressful for our family. 

Unfortunately, the aftermath of COVID hit our family business hard. My husband went back to school for another master’s degree and completed a series of rigorous exams to help him foster a mid-career change. For a while, he was working full-time, in school full-time, and serving as an elder in our local church. He was leading weekly Bible studies and holding regular counseling sessions, not to mention the daily responsibilities as a husband and dad to three. Every second had an assigned activity. Our margin was incredibly slim. 

It goes without saying, but it was a stressful season. But although it wasn’t my favorite season of life, I can now look back to see how much we grew through it—not just in the Lord, but also within our marriage. As we learned greater dependence on the Lord through prayer and thankfulness, our marriage was strengthened. We remembered that we’re actually on the same team, even through all the stressors and seasons of life. Here are some takeaways from that season, particularly in how you can support your spouse through stressful seasons.

Pray

When I’m in stressful seasons, it’s easy for me to want to “pull myself up by my bootstraps.” I want to buckle down, try harder, do more. Though a part of me knows that I’m dependent on the Lord for every grace, the other part wants to just grin and bear it.

But eventually, these seasons remind me that I’m not strong enough. I can’t do enough. I need the Lord and so does my spouse. In light of that, and especially in stressful seasons, it’s especially important to pray for your spouse. Pray that the Lord would sustain you both. Pray for grace and patience with one another. Pray for a patient love. Don’t rely on your own strength, but fall upon the Lord. In humility, ask for His help.

Don’t Compare, but Practice Thankfulness

When life is hard, it’s really easy to compare our lot with others—other families who aren’t undergoing the same levels of stress. But although this is a normal temptation, it is an unhelpful action. We don’t know the complete stories of other couples. We don’t know their stressors, their faith, the challenges they've walked through, or the challenges they will soon face. Comparing our stressful season to those in calmer ones breeds disappointment and, at times, bitterness.

Instead, Scripture calls us to be thankful in every season (1 Thessalonians 5:18). As stressful as a particular season is, it can always be worse. In our case, though money was tight, we never went without food or a roof over our heads.  Though our limited time and margin stretched us greatly, we didn’t have severe health challenges or hospital stays. And beyond that, through the stress, God hadn’t abandoned us. He sustained us, loved us, and gave us what we needed each day. There is much to be thankful for in every season.

Forgive 

It’s also important to forgive in these kinds of seasons because stress can often bring out the worst in us. When time is short and our difficulties seem unending, words come quickly and are  rashly spoken. It can be all too easy to sin against one another. If we’re not careful, bitterness and resentment can set in, driving a further wedge in our relationship. That’s why it’s important to forgive, not dwelling on the sins of our spouse against us.

But how can we forgive when we’re already tired and worn out from the season? God gives us the motivation for forgiveness in His Word, calling us to forgive not because the other person deserves it or has earned it, but in light of God’s forgiveness of us. We forgive because He has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). That means that we don’t keep a long record of wrongs. We don’t nurse our wounds, show the cold shoulder, and repay wrong for wrong. Instead, we regularly and consistently offer forgiveness—not counting their wrongs against them anymore. We show grace, even when (or especially when) they don’t deserve it, just as Christ has done for us.

Serve Without Expectation

Finally, in stressful seasons, we can love and serve our spouses without expectation. There are different seasons in a marriage where one spouse may need to carry more of the load than the other. As the saying goes, marriage should not be 50%-50%, but 100%-100%, with each spouse trying to outdo one another in showing honor. But logistically, there may be times when you are carrying more of the house load, or the laundry load, or the child-rearing load. In stressful seasons, it's important to serve the other person without expecting that the other person will notice, see, appreciate, or repay your service. God sees. He knows. You don’t ultimately serve your spouse out of love for them (though that is a part of it). You serve your spouse out of your love for Christ. 

And, when you're tired, it’s important to remember: your spouse can’t read your mind. Gracious, biblical communication is so essential as you serve, forgive, and love.

Thankfully, seasons don’t last forever. In the past few weeks, our family has entered into a calmer season with margin and time again. We’ve started dreaming of hobbies and date nights and regularly healthy rhythms. But even so, it’s my prayer that even in this new season, we stay as dependent on the Lord—whether in plenty or in need. 

Just as the Lord sustained us through our season of trial, may we trust Him through all the seasons of life to come.

Additional Resources for Trusting God Through Hard Seasons:

Together Marriage Journal		James Bible Study		Peaks and Valleys | A Study on the Life of David		Rivers of Renewal Bible Study
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